Dear Dad . . . Open Letter for Father’s Day

IMG_0967

Dad’s 80th Birthday–with siblings:  L to R, Chris, Caryl, Cathrine, Charles Jr

Dear Dad,

I won’t be calling or sending you a card this year, but you already know that, don’t you?  It has been almost a year since your transition—or what I affectionally call ‘your graduation day’ (from earth school).  Your expansion and lessons for this incarnation complete. I cannot be sad; that would be selfish.  I saw your frustrations—exasperations—and vexations prior to your exit. Life did not hold the same pleasures or satisfaction; no words were necessary to explain, I knew. Unexplainable to most, I know you have not left me or anyone dear to you for that matter.   I know you are with me always—everyday—and every moment; divinity hidden behind the veil of mystery. Separation only an illusion.

We all react differently to death. I must say that I know you are around me more now than when you were here physically as my Father.  I know you helped me bury my cat Sasha last October.  In my minds-eye, I heard you tell me “go get your gloves and shovel.” We did that together. To confess, it’s not because I ever felt disconnected  but, because I know a piece of you has stayed with me and I know you understand more of what I’m about; who I am and what I believe.  I know I confused you at times; but that is ok too.  You get me now.  Your understanding has clarity. You exist in a quantum expression entangled with all here on Earth.

We said our good-bye’s in May.  I am grateful.  I never thought about what an example you were to me; I only hoped that I can impart these qualities to my own two sons. I share that now.  Perhaps, that is why we chose these soul relationships this time around?  You my father; I your eldest daughter.

I am grateful you showed me compassion by your way of being; your gentleness, caring, concern and kindness towards others. I say it kept me sane.  This way of being shown through with your customers at Equine House and the way you treated our animals; the horses, adopted dogs and barn cats.

You taught me about unconditional love.  When I married my now ex-husband, you may not have understood, but you assured me that as long as I was happy—you were happy too.  Not all parents can do that.  You stepped up when it counted.

As a young child and young adult, you always respected us—all of us.  You listened and tried your best to solve the crisis at hand;  I appreciated that you listened.  Sometimes, we just need to be heard; I needed to be heard and you were there.

You taught me patience and anticipation.  These were lessons while horseback riding, but they apply to life too.  I believe now they are a metaphor for how we live.  They were not fearful warnings, but common sense practical guidance. It works as well today, as it did decades ago. I know life is a wheel—constantly moving up and down.  Cycles within cycles; patience is key—so is trust. You taught me that too.

You taught me about the simplicity of the the small pleasures perhaps the real secret to life; that satisfaction from within.  The value of spending time with your children.  The side trips along small winding country roads back to the barns from the feed store or the hardware store. You held the space for the family vacations; that once a year camping excursion to The Big Woods camp ground, the Calgary Stampede, Grand Tetons or Yellowstone Park.  Thank you.  I too shared adventures with my sons while they were young.  I know they will one day look back fondly—just as I look back fondly now.  It could have been yesterday.

Most recently, I discovered you always loved to finish your dinner with a dessert. I never realized that growing up; maybe everything was lost in the hustle of school and hurried family dinners.  It was only when I visited those few weeks each year, I discovered this nugget.  I understand Grandfather was like that too—the apple never falls far from the tree.  (smiling) There was a child-like pleasure when Linda ( your wife) and I announced we had a sweet-treat to complete the meal baking in the oven.  A twinkle in your eyes, and smile as a child like innocence couldn’t contain the excitement over the confection presented; an image indelibly seared forever in my mind.  I recall the bakery that we used to visit every trip to Washington in La Conner; that delicious apple dumpling—more like a single serving apple pie!  How cool is that Dad? I found a recipe on line. I know you’ll enjoy it with me—when I make it at home!

And so, on this Father Day—I know you view the world differently these days from your new vantage point; I don’t know how that looks.  You know what I am thinking. You know more about me than I know about myself.  You know many of the secrets of the Universe that I would love to know—and that’s ok. I’ll wait.  But, one thing I do know, is love is something that rends the veil.  It is a multidimensional attribute.  And so, from my soul to yours, I wish you Happy Father’s Day—and Thank you for being you!  Recorded in the history of earth and humanity—that will never change and always be part of who we are—and who we have been and for that I can celebrate this day and all Fathers’ Days to come!

Love Always,

Cathrine

Oh, and no, I won’t forget the Vanilla Ice Cream—I know it wouldn’t be complete without the frozen sweet topping melting over the hot apple dessert!  LOL  Yum. 🙂

IMG_1270 (2)

Apple Dumpling ala mode, La Conner Bakery, La Conner, Washington.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: