The Four Corners; Lemons or Lemonade 

My kids cringed as I pulled the Land Cruiser over to the side of the shoulder, hopping out on the long deserted windy highway and picked a handful of stray wheat stalks, that were happily growing outside the farmer’s expansive cultivated land protected by the lonely never-ending barbed wire fence. Earlier, they shook their heads while I was still navigating my way out of Texas as I made a U-Turn to get a extraordinary picture of a beautiful row of tall sunflowers—asking Joshua and David to smile as I took their picture in front of the oh-so-tall-giant beauties.

IMG_0965Ah, the memories. I look back now and marvel at the fun-filled expeditions across the United States that I shared with my boys growing up; that small window of time—still being at home—and not having summer jobs—or big plans with their friends; I valued those summer moments even today.

Much to my husband’s displeasure, I didn’t travel with reservations.  I let the road and the enticement of curiosity and intrigue of our journey be our guide.  Yea, there was a general plan and route, and we participated in all the big tourist sights over the years : Carlsbad, Hoover Dam, Jackson Hole, Yellowstone, The Grand Canyon—Mt. Rushmore—and the Four Corners, Mesa Verde National Park; I could go on, Niagara Falls, San Francisco, the Pacific Coast highway, the famous tea-pot service station were buried in there too.

Colorado, New Mexico, Utah and Arizona literally come together; intersections on the map—a quadipoint. The unique points of the compass; each state, staking their claim to the arid real estate. Four Corners, a home to one of our national parks— a piece of Navajo, Hopi, Ute and Zuni tribal Country; untamed, wild and harsh.

The long winding road that brought us in to the majestic park had been a tedious leg—as I followed behind RV, after RV up the inclined and narrow highway the 35+ miles.  I didn’t care that these folks towed their petite homes behind them, it was just a different pace for them, then it was for me.

Desolated, barren, remote and rugged, I was surprised the park offered hotel accommodations. Making the decision to stay for the night was a splurge.  We were all a bit tired, my ex-Mother-in-law in tow.  (She often traveled with me on these summer sojourns and it was always nice to have another adult in the car—although certainly not necessary or at times easy—she excitedly partook in our road trips.)  For my kids, it was nice to have “Grandma” along; a woman who always seemed to keep things interesting.

The park was home to the Cliff Dwellers and offered tours about the Hopi’s and other ancient populations who at one time had occupied the land.  We had come all this way—why not learn a bit about this unique Colorado Plateau and the Tribal Nations who inhabited it?

Although, I was pleased with this quiet high plateau desert stop—my kids were not so much.  This was one of the few room sans TV.  They survived amidst their mild protest.  I laughed about what a rut and routine we often find ourselves in; sympathy without television was not high on my list. We we here to explore and discover.  I remember the ruggedness of the views from the small balcony—sun setting.  The isolation. The apparent acerbity. A very different life. One that had not been easy and one without our modern conveniences or luxury; I appreciated the ease by which we traveled and filled our bellies.

The night had been restful. The solitude and stillness amazing and rejuvenating for me.  The sun welcomed us to the new day. With our belongings loaded in the back of the Toyota, I made my way back down the blacktop towards the office—reservations and checkout.  With everyone waiting in the Land Cruiser—I skirted in to check out.  We would be on our way to see the ancient ruins and history contained within the park’s borders— of Mesa Verde and all it had to offer. It gave us a chance to speculate on the mysteries and disappearance of an entire race. This much I knew. Included in my plans was a tour to learn more of the Native peoples in antiquity— known as Anasazi, and Pueblo and predated our current Native culture by several millennia.  Our plans were in place for the day . . . or were they?

My usual dress at the time was a pair of Ralph Lauren shorts—with the side pockets—causal Polo style shirts and sweater or sweatshirt when necessary—leather topsiders and my leather backpack.  I mentioned this only to illustrate the vast number of places a set of keys could hide.  Upon my checkout I trotted back to the vehicle.  I needed to re-park the Toyota as the tours’ of the ruins would take 4-5 hours.  Yet, I could not find my keys.  I checked and rechecked my pockets.  I asked the boys and Grandma patiently waiting in the car.  No keys. I returned back to the hotel front desk twice, even making them look behind the computers to see if the keys had inadvertently fallen between the higher check-out counter and the screens from which they worked.  Nope, nowhere—a dilemma at hand! Where could they have gone? I even questioned myself.  Yes, I had to have the keys—after all I had driven from our room to this point where we sat . . .  This time on my trip back to the Land Cruiser, my mind raced for solutions.  A thousand or so miles away from home—and no keys!  I went to the glovebox.  Maybe there was a number of a ‘local’ Toyota dealer who could somehow get us a key?  I started digging.  Glove boxes, or at least mine, are like that;  You never know what you will find.

Within minutes, of searching the Toyota literature, I came upon a very small, yellow plastic key—stuck on a card—as I remember the 5 x 7 size—Stuck with those glue globs that usually free things come with in the mail.  I peeled the flat plastic key away from the card.  “We can get home” I said with a smile, holding up the tiny treasure.  “Let’s go.”  We left the car and went to catch the shuttle—the driver delaying—I believe in hopes we would find our keys.

About four and a half hours later—our tours complete we returned to the car.  I must say we had had a terrific time. As a matter of fact, I had completely forgotten all about the missing keys and had just enjoyed settling into the “Now”; the sights and the history.  We would be back in the Land Cruiser soon, on to parts unknown and enjoying what cool things and other sights this country had to offer. Our summer journey matching on, uninterrupted.

But, what greeted us was another astonishment. There, taped to my door was a white paper; a note from the front desk which said: “WE HAVE YOUR KEYS!!”  How about that—I shared with the boys and my Mother-in-law.  They found our keys!  I opened the vehicle and told them to climb in—I would be right back.

I presented the note—and they presented my keys.  “Wherever did you find them?”, I asked.  The young gal holding the keys looked at me.  “A man took them, thinking they belonged to his daughter—and then was embarrassed to bring them back”, she shyly confided. Well, whatever the reason, I was indeed happy to be reunited with my ring of keys.

It had been a good adventure.  Quite happily, I had been able to enjoy the days plan—despite the monkey-wrench concerning my keys.  I didn’t look quite as crazy to the front dest, I thought, smiling to myself as I walked back down the path towards the truck.

Today, as I write and recall this story, I am not sure whether it was a “test” of living in the moment.  Part of a life puzzle of handling unforeseen circumstances . . . or a debt of karma. (Unfinished business with another) It really doesn’t matter. Whatever the moment, or circumstances, we are always at choice-point of how we handle the up’s and down’s of life and our day(s).  When we come from a place of trust, things usually have a way of working themselves out.  It seems it’s all a matter of perspective and how we react or don’t react. Whether we believe we can or can’t, we’re right.  What do you choose to believe today?  . . . .  Well, You’re right!  Happy Summer trails and adventures!  Make them GREAT!

IMG_0964

Free, Fabulous and Loving Me! Happy Valentines Day.

Self Love 3Last week as I was dashing to meet a friend for dinner.  I realized how free I was at this time in my life.  I had no children to worry about—no spouse to consult and no curfew.

I believe that just as a relationship gives us growth and expansion, so does not having one. No relationship allows for our growth and expansion in a different way. It is an appreciation of ourselves. I am not talking about about conceit, self-importance or narcissism. It is the discovery of our inner core and strengths; who we are:  Our talents. Our Likes and dislikes. The joy of being alive. Our beauty.  A period of getting to know and love our authentic self! To know that we are enough—and to love ourselves is something worth celebrating—not just one day, but 365 others as well.

For me, the journey has been one of unlearning.  I was a wife and Mother for many years. (still a Mother—but my adults kids live in different parts of the country and are not underfoot.) One of the first things I used to think about—besides getting everyone to school on time, was, what shall I fix for dinner?  I don’t do that anymore.  Funny, I always used to joke about wanting a “wife.”  You know someone to do all those errands, deliveries and chores—right?  Does anyone relate?  Now, it is for me.

Someone might call that self centered.  Years ago, I would have recoiled from that label.  It was always about someone else, placing myself second, third, or fourth in the line of family demands.  Most women flinch from the thought of personal descriptions that include the word self.  As Sarah Breathnach so eloquently wrote, “this self-defeating modesty eliminates a lot of flattering adjectives: self-poised, self-assured, self-confident.  So why do we shrink from self-admiration?”

Perhaps, at some pivotal moment growing up, our Mother or other authority figure humiliated us and viewed our healthy wants as shameful and selfish; we were made to feel wrong.  So, isn’t it about time, we begin to set our boundaries and put ourselves first?  I am not suggesting we neglect our children or spouse, if you have those relationships currently in your life, but I am suggesting we begin to reframe our wants, desires and needs, and begin to radiate the vibrant glow of an intelligent, loving, self-possessed woman, shinning our light out unto the world!

I trust and know that when the timing is right, I will again be with a true life-partner.  One that supports my desires and honors me for me.  Until that time I am enjoying my freedom and all that comes from living my truth, honoring my authentic, artistic, creative, caring and compassionate self.

“What a desire!  . . . To live in peace with that word: Myself!” (Sylvia Ashton-Warner)

Happy Valentines Day to the best parts of you!

 

Pondering the question of L-O-V-E

Love is a part of life. Relationships are part of our “primary food.” Love is a primary food and love is life.  A loving relationship—with ourself, others—and even with the world at large has the ability to nourish and nurture us on many levels. Relationships are a part of our wholeness and our wellness; they too can be healthy or in a state of dis-ease.  And, they are bigger than we perhaps are willing to admit; their importance cannot be underestimated.

Relationships seem at first glance rather permanent.  But, just like the Wheel of Fortune in the Tarot—the wheel continues to turn.  Sometimes we are on the top—sometimes we are on the bottom. Was that beginning or . . .  end?   Hum, could it be the rise and the fall or  rather the upward and downward movement? That continual change and push-pull polarity of all things in life that seem to jerk us around and shake our world.  Many of us have the perception that things won’t really change—or don’t only to wake up one morning and the world of our relationship we have known8059695 for months, years, or decades is no longer, and then if we dare— and are brave—may ask, what happened? 

Relationships seem to be mini-cycles within a larger cycle of our lives.  Are they meant for our learning and evolution? Our lessons and growth?  We all have different relationships within the context of our lives. We are after all sons, and daughters—many of us are parents—including step and adopted children—or siblings—sisters’ or brothers’.  We also have relationships that are meaningful with our beloved pets that effect us in tremendous ways and are felt deeply within our hearts. I know my dynamics are different with my kids, my parents—my siblings and my friends; each carry a different “flavor.”

I haven’t shared publicly about my painful divorce ten years ago. I know for me, this was both shock and revelation and took me to a private voyage within the depths of my soul—and being.  I had been committed to my relationship—and my many years of marriage—and to my husband. I was in state of grief when it ended; devastated in fact by the news.  I thought it was forever; isn’t that what I had promised with all my heart and my vows some 25 years before?  Sometimes we are lucky and the forces bend and the complete fairy tale comes true and you live happily ever after; yet for many of us we don’t have that “happily ever after.” Why?

My husband had moved on—his journey—very different than what my own has been.  He with his new family; I as part of my enlightening spiritual passage and journey.  What else could I call it?  I’ve had the opportunity to grow soulfully beyond what would have been possible had my marriage remained in tact.   Was that the purpose?  Was the marriage complete?  Were he and I complete; the energy of the universe no longer supported this relationship or to keep the marriage together? Growth and evolution at the soulful level?  The ancient Chinese philosopher Chuang Tuz,wrote: “Heaven and Earth and I are living together, and all things and I form an inseparable unity.” The answer was, yes; we were complete.

For those who have experienced the feeling of love—there is no greater feeling.  We seem to walk around in an altered state for a period of time.  Is this nature’s way of bringing two souls together? A binding of fate or destiny?  Or are relationships catalysts for something bigger? Are they completed or finished in another moment in time, something begun before?  Is the God-particle inside us directing a way to complete this evolutionary cycle set in motion before we incarnated as a living-breathing human being on the earth plane and third dimension? A contract we signed with invisible ink? Perhaps I didn’t read the fine print, have you ever felt the same? And, Could the word “love”—have a different meaning that what we have assigned and use to define? After all, we know what it feels like, but can we really define it’s purpose? We know the love of a puppy.  The love we have for our parents.  The love we have for our friends.  The love for our children.  And, the love for our spouse, partner or significant other whether we are formally married or not;  we have made a formal commitment to someone; we are soulfully linked, and you know it—until we’re not.  Yes, there are often times children involved, but its purpose seems much grander; children complicit in our agreements.

Could L-O-V-E even be viewed as an acronym for something astronomical, celestial or astral?  Many things have a much different perspective when we view them from a distance.  Let’s say, standing on the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower, the Space Needle, the Empire State Building or whatever majestic observation deck you choose—even if it is the Grand Canyon, or from space.  We look down and from our new vantage point see the word clearly L-O-V-E.  Could it be . . . that . . .

L  is actually about = LEARNING: “The acquisition of knowledge or skills through experience, study, or by being taught: [AS MODIFIER]: an important learning process.”  (Oxford Dictionary)

From our higher vantage point, we could know and view all close and personal relationships as a learning experience. (And could even be expanded to our collective conscious and the world at large.)  Good, bad and ugly we learn something from every interaction we have—especially our interpersonal or intimate ones.  I heard once that intimacy could be defined as “into me you see.”  Wow.  If relationships are about vulnerability, trust and forgiveness is there any greater learning than the close relationships of our family or spouse—and ourself.  What better way to learn lessons of forgiveness, tolerance, and compassion.  To experience joy, bliss, and delight or the experiential emotional feelings of sorrow, sadness and heartache—or grief?  We may call in the vast multitude of lessons—unique, undefinable, varied.  Each personal and each customized for our greatest growth and Love experience.  A lesson of the heart that will be etched in our human experience forever as unique as a fingerprint.

O”  Thinking about the “O”, observation was the first word that came up,  but it seemed too passive and without movement; after all relationships like everything are dynamic and changing—and can be incitement for change.  What about “oracle”?  Could that be what the ”O” represented?  Oracles use their intuition, their innate knowing and their wisdom to advise others.  No, that didn’t fit.  When you are in a dynamic committed relationship, paradoxically we can be quite nearsighted;  able to see others’ and their folly’s and missteps, but rarely our own.  It is almost as our “sight” is blocked on purpose like a mirage—which seems to clear when the journey is complete or karma is finished.

During a walking meditation, it occurred to me, the ”O” was more like the yin/yang symbol—ah, the seen and unseen, soma and psyche—all aspects of one continuous process in the ever-changing elements: a unified system of relationships playing out with grand purpose.  (Spirit, Emotion, Mind/intellect/, Body/physical).

To the Chinese the Yin/Yang was the system and symbol of polar and complimentary aspects.  Relationships can be all that and much more.  This symbol stood for a system about motion, cyclic patterns and a process of transformation where life is everything or so it appears. Relationship’s fit there.   The balance of what we would accept as the harmonic and flourishing aspects—and the unbalance of distress, tragedy and heartbreak. A relationship elicits many aspects including courage and self-esteem, happiness, confidence.  Trust, fun, humor, and paradoxically—distrust, anger, fear, frustration, inner resistance, sadness, or jealousy. These are expressed and experienced both within ourselves and within the many relationships we share in life and in love.  Alas, maybe the “O” is all these bound into the endless circle of life . . . never finished . . . it is the halo we fail to recognize as the creations of divinity: eternal and forever in human form.

V  is for = VIBRATION- Atoms, fields of energy, law of attraction, and fields of possibility. All Vibration. Do these unseen electromagnetic forces play a major role in determining the internal properties of objects, people, places and occurrences we encountered in our daily lives; which would therefore include all of our relationships as well.  Everything, has an energetic vibration. For example, essential oils have a vibration – rose vibrates at 320 MHz! Thoughts, herbs, food, songs, art or literature.  Even the earth—a vibration to know to many as Schumann Resonance carries a certain frequency. ALL have energy and vibration. If you surround yourself with high-vibrating objects and think high-vibrating thoughts of love, peace and compassion, you cannot help but attract similar energies!

Relationships each carry a unique, shall we say, energy imprint, frequency, meaning and experience; after all no two energy patterns are alike.  And, ‘Energy is Everything.’ Are we “downloaded” information to complete these lessons—like invisible “tractor” beams—agreed upon before we descend on earth in our corporeal human forms? Or do we come with this preset potential—of what we would like and choose to experience for our learning and growth?

We all have heard the expression “good vibes— bad vibes” especially popular in the 60-70’s.  We clearly feel that resonance of vibration which a person carries at the moment; wavelike and changing. The obvious happy or sad. Vibration and energy patterns are part of our nature even if we are not aware of such things.  So, what is the trigger of attracting our “perfect mate?” The law of attraction states that “two people are brought together because of their vibrational equivalents and the because of their alignments they ‘recognize’ in each other.” Harville Hendricks says we attract the perfect partner based on our primary caregiver—with both their positive and negative traits. He states it is the negative, challenging aspects (low vibration) that we are brought together to heal and work through.  The end goal to reach the point of “Conscious Partnership”.

If we take the assumption, as all great Master’s have spoken of, that the Universe that we live in is a representation of the infinite presence of God who is love—then we have come into being to experience just that—love.  So, in our limited restricted presence of self, how do we experience this? When we participate in a relationship—whether it is with your spouse or the new kitten that showed up at your doorstep—is it all aimed at wading through your human stuff of the ego—to realize who we are and “open” our heart? To get out of head, put down our shields, be vulnerable and to experience this feeling we call love. To do this we  “call in” the best person for the job to assist us in this growth and learning experience; one that will challenge us like no other. (And, it looks different for everyone!) We are all at different stages, and one is not better than another.  It is just different. The V is the frequency of where our attractor beam is at the moment.  Always changing, always expanding—always turning—like the universe and the God particle within.  And until it is complete—whether one date or a lifetime it can serve as the greatest catalyst for something else.  We are always given the opportunity to learn, to value ourselves, and perhaps begin to understand our personal energy of self-love. If we get the lesson, we must not be afraid of using our internal guidance and know we are done; when it stops feeling good. We must say,  “I am not interested in participating in this kind of energetic exchange anymore.” After all, Loving myself is the willingness and ability to allow me the right to make my own choices for myself without any insistence that I satisfy others.  That’s unconditional love; and that’s a vibration worth loving!

“Where is your love? Why is your love?  What is your love?  . . . The grace of love heals that which has been divided.  The Grace of loves unites that which Creation has divided for the very purpose of awakening it’s own love.”

E = EVERLASTING OR ETERNITY—No matter how short or long our experience is with whatever relationship we call and choreograph, it is forever seared into the memory of our quantum DNA; our akashic inheritance stored in the Cave of Creation.  The lesson given in love complete; possibly unrealized in the moment as human. Retained in the god particle of our being. And since we are eternal and forever—so is this experience we call “Love.”

So, what is love?  It has been written about, sung about and studied since the beginning of time.  As humans, we are forever seeking, searching, holding, entering and trying to experience the love Relationship—of the divine—the feeling from “home”—  Love hurts and love heals.  Love is painful, sorrowful and brings sadness.  Love is also joyful, brings happiness and pleasure.  Perhaps, love is us searching and receiving itself—us. Both the simplest and hardest: the paradox of life; our forever quest. Love is our greatest lesson; love is the relationship with ourself.  We participate willingly in the game we call life. In the end, it is trusting, faith and compassion which are the glue of L-O-V-E. Our first and last love is  self-love; maybe that is the real test.

“Love unveils its dream before you as you enter into love’s scared sphere.  You too, stand unveiled and this begins Love’s evolutionary metamorphosis.” Pamela Eakins

“Inspired Wellness from Within”

Cathrine Silver, HC, AADP

Cathysilverhealth@gmail.com

http://www.cathrinesilver.com