Free, Fabulous and Loving Me! Happy Valentines Day.

Self Love 3Last week as I was dashing to meet a friend for dinner.  I realized how free I was at this time in my life.  I had no children to worry about—no spouse to consult and no curfew.

I believe that just as a relationship gives us growth and expansion, so does not having one. No relationship allows for our growth and expansion in a different way. It is an appreciation of ourselves. I am not talking about about conceit, self-importance or narcissism. It is the discovery of our inner core and strengths; who we are:  Our talents. Our Likes and dislikes. The joy of being alive. Our beauty.  A period of getting to know and love our authentic self! To know that we are enough—and to love ourselves is something worth celebrating—not just one day, but 365 others as well.

For me, the journey has been one of unlearning.  I was a wife and Mother for many years. (still a Mother—but my adults kids live in different parts of the country and are not underfoot.) One of the first things I used to think about—besides getting everyone to school on time, was, what shall I fix for dinner?  I don’t do that anymore.  Funny, I always used to joke about wanting a “wife.”  You know someone to do all those errands, deliveries and chores—right?  Does anyone relate?  Now, it is for me.

Someone might call that self centered.  Years ago, I would have recoiled from that label.  It was always about someone else, placing myself second, third, or fourth in the line of family demands.  Most women flinch from the thought of personal descriptions that include the word self.  As Sarah Breathnach so eloquently wrote, “this self-defeating modesty eliminates a lot of flattering adjectives: self-poised, self-assured, self-confident.  So why do we shrink from self-admiration?”

Perhaps, at some pivotal moment growing up, our Mother or other authority figure humiliated us and viewed our healthy wants as shameful and selfish; we were made to feel wrong.  So, isn’t it about time, we begin to set our boundaries and put ourselves first?  I am not suggesting we neglect our children or spouse, if you have those relationships currently in your life, but I am suggesting we begin to reframe our wants, desires and needs, and begin to radiate the vibrant glow of an intelligent, loving, self-possessed woman, shinning our light out unto the world!

I trust and know that when the timing is right, I will again be with a true life-partner.  One that supports my desires and honors me for me.  Until that time I am enjoying my freedom and all that comes from living my truth, honoring my authentic, artistic, creative, caring and compassionate self.

“What a desire!  . . . To live in peace with that word: Myself!” (Sylvia Ashton-Warner)

Happy Valentines Day to the best parts of you!

 

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