My Father’s Death

Dear Fellow Travelers and Beloved Souls,

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Me, holding his horse as a young colt.

As most of you know from my Facebook post, on July 6th, I unexpectedly and suddenly lost my loving, gentle, and kindhearted  father.  He was 84.  The obituary in the paper began  . . . the gentle giant. . . I never saw him that way, but many did with his 6’6” stature. I just knew him as ‘Dad.’ The services were Monday, July 13th—the day after my 58th birthday.

At the funeral services many different ideas and beliefs surfaced as we all directly faced the question of death and mortality.  I realized this as a spontaneous mini-exposé in front of those gathered,  speaking at the microphone that my father would be back. I would know him, I continued,  this time playing on the playground, laughing and joyful—perhaps as my grandson—and we would recognize each other when I saw his eyes; the windows to the soul. Life is a continuous circle with —no beginning and no end.  We are eternal and forever and as old as the cosmos. In esoteric circles it is accepted  that we most often reincarnate in karmic  (old term) or akashic groups.  As close family and friends gathered in the small Weller chapel together; we witnessed, his journey as Charles complete. And those he touched were tearful as we said our good-byes; big or small, he had touched us all.

Who was he? And, who are we? Each milestone always begs questions, bigger questions from us all, does it not?  I share what resonates; it may or may not with you—but this is my truth.  God doesn’t change; we do. Try it on.  Does it make you feel better?  More at peace?  Or does it shake your belief system?  Make you uncomfortable?  It is not meant to; these ideas are meant to bring peace.  Remember these are just words and thoughts—nothing harmful or anything to fear—ideas, that’s all. 

If we look back in history, we are aware of other belief systems that at one time were true—only to be replaced by updated ideas and new systems of belief.  Two of my favorites are when we as humanity believed the earth was flat, or that germs did not exist, only because we could not see them; they were there all along.  We think differently today.  Is this multi-dimensional view simply the next step in an evolutionary process of human consciousness and acknowledging the god within?  Perhaps a  growth, expansion and awareness of our individual divinity?  That we are the light?

Could it be as simple as putting down our elementary school primer—and graduating to a high school or college text?  I ask you to ponder this possibility.  Of course, there will never be any proof until we take our last breath and our own journey across the veil transferring our energy to our real state—our home; the great central sun.  A metaphor I like.  Great because it’s about our angelic magnificence.  Central because it’s inside us and everywhere. Sun, because we’re light and part of the creative source we call god. What a grand vision. We must each use our own discernment—even stepping back from what our intellect “knows.” These ideas come with a deep knowing and intuitive understanding about  our ‘temporary state’ here on the earth plane—certainly part of a much bigger picture than we could possibly imagine or possibly fit into our small linear 3-D brown corrugated  box on the earth plane within the multi-verses we have occupied.  Each life we live brings its own story, lessons, “tests”, wisdom and compassion. Entangled together like a collected ball of yarn with many colors and textures, our reality more akin to a grand and classic Shakespearean play.  Knowing when the curtain goes down, the one with the knife in his chest gets up and bows with the rest—going on to the cast party afterward to celebrate the success of the play.  Death is like that too.

In his life as Charles, my father was a poet and author. He was a horseman.  He was a father to four children—a husband—a son—and a brother.  He served his country. He loved his garden roses.  Red was his favorite color. He delighted in meeting others and hearing their stories.  He loved cars.  He loved to laugh.  He loved his family— fascinated in discovering his ancestral linage.  He loved to wear ties and his collection was vast and varied; fun and meaningful to him. He delighted in history, quirky humorous movies and the Washington Huskies, never missing an opportunity to don his purple and gold in his later years.    But, that is only part of our story.  It is a story of our linear bias and human mind.  It is a story that we tell ourselves and it has purpose.  But what if it was far grander than our human eyes could see?  What if this was all about learning and growing? The planet of free choice and discovering the magnificence inside and our god piece, raising the vibration and the consciousness of our planet? What if this is a catalyst for even more growth and learning; not only for us here on earth but for our cosmic family—in a mission of love?   What if it could open our eyes to something bigger—if we are only willing to look?

I know he is around me. I feel a glow around my heart.  There has been an transference of energy and he exists simply at a different vibration; he views my colors now.  I wish I could see his colors—but that is not my gift as Cathrine. Einstein taught and left us the iconic phrase ‘energy cannot be created or destroyed.’ Therefore, even science acknowledges he is around me always in that quantum multidimensional state, which restricts our full understanding of our grandness in our limited human form and perception of our multi-dimensional state.

There is a store in my neighborhood. Jezebels, carries many wonderful and unique cards. The words on one brightly colored note complete with hand-painted pink silk-screened roses and vines caught my attention one day.  “When we are born, we are crying and everyone else is smiling.  When we die, we are smiling and everyone else is crying.”

When I am sad, I think of this.  I think of all the wonderful memories we shared as Father and Daughter.  “You had a special relationship with your Dad.” my cousin wrote in his condolence card.  We did.  I hadn’t realized it was so visible to others; energy is that way. So is love. The last gift he left me was a birthday card; he loved cards.  As he lay in the hospital, my birthday was a week away.  Did he know he was not going to be here to share cake and blow out candles?  He sent his wife home to retrieve his cards; he selected one for me.  A young girl and her horse; that was me.   The early memories we shared were remarkably simple: trips to the feed store—getting hay—repairing fences—doctoring horses—the farrier—Dairy Queen.  Those easy simple times that meant the most to me as the years passed.  I told him so. He kept me sane I confessed.  The happiest memories of my childhood—and the freedom I felt at the “Barns.” Perhaps it was the same for him too?

I feel a glow around my heart.  I know it is him.  He is always with me.  We are eternal and forever in both directions. We have traveled many times before.  He graduated first.  One day it will be my turn.  We are not finished.  We have work to do on earth.  And, he will be back.  I know he feels me too and ‘hears’ this message.  I can talk to him anytime. Thank you Dad, for all the loving, simple, laughing and compassionate moments. Next time, DQ is on me!

Inspired Wellness Within

Cathrine Silver, HC, AADP

CathysilverHealth@gmail.com

Biological Decoding, Family Constellations, Hypnosis, Nutrition, Spiritual & Grief Counseling

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Making Snow angels

Sand Angels 1We walked out the door of Early Winters with our Gore-Tex rain gear in hand. The hike had been planned, and our tactics included preparation for the normally inclement northwest weather.  Our destination was a trail head in the Mt. Rainier National Park. Yet ironically, the late fall afternoon was a picture perfect sunny and 80 degrees, as Mitch and I set out and traversed the trail enjoying the bright autumn freshness.  We walked along the well-worn path proudly in our Asolo boots, blue jeans and tee-shirts— Antron-wool jackets tied around our waist; rain gear safely locked in the trunk of our car.  No need for this we surmised.

“Man plans and God laughs.” I would recall my ex-Mother-in-Law’s decidedly and legendary declaration in just about any crisis, or particularly challenging situation.  I believe she tried to make sense out of the unexplainable situation before her—but beyond the knowing handed it over as somehow God’s plan.   Several hours into the hike, and too far to turn back, threatening clouds moved in above us.  A light sprinkle from the grey and darkening sky didn’t deter our optimistic attitude, determined to enjoy our weekend hike, new equipment and getaway out of the city, we headed farther up the trail.

I guess at some level it was “the plan” because we got wet and wetter with a now heavy rain falling and the temperature dropping rapidly fueled by the wind which blew fiercely through the large evergreen trees and underbrush. Soaked and steaming both, we paused under a small overhang and wrung the water from our jackets. It was time to find a place for our small North Face tent and get dry.  Tomorrow was another day I thought, as we fired up our tiny stove for dinner and tried our best to dry our sodden jeans on the now hot rocks near the fire.

We fell asleep that night with the wind and rain beating against the tent, safe in the cocoon of our golden-yellow nylon dome.  I awoke once to surprising silence during my slumber. Reassured, I fell back to sleep confident, the sun-drenched weather would return come daybreak.  However, what greeted us several hours later when we unzipped the door to our tent was a blanket of snow everywhere; silence and beauty, cold and stark. I was astonished and panicked all at the same time.

Everything looks so different covered under a blanket of white; similar to darkness in some ways—except the snow was not going to reveal anything new and familiar as the daylight came.   A sudden 360 degree reevaluation of our situation was necessary.  Our sunny carefree weekend had turned potentially dangerous and, it was time to head out—back home to safety and civilization.

Looking back all those years ago, my weekend hike seemed easy in comparison to the trails I have traversed during my life since.  So often and with the best intentions, we make plans about our future.  Everything seems to be in order when we get soaked and cold and our jeans get burnt on the rocks trying to be dried out or just like the surprise snowfall—nothing looks familiar or safe.  We are lost and fearful or angry–sad or hurt.  Change is like that. A divorce, an illness or a death (expected or not) can give us the opportunity to look at life in an entirely new way, just as that snowfall did on that fateful hike.  At each juncture of the trail, nightfall or snowfall we have the choice to fall up or fall down.

What I’ve learned for myself and what I teach others now is, when you get caught in the snow storm, make snow angels. I am inspired by an inner strength to help others; the necessity for openness and reevaluation and the questioning of old ways and thoughts. For myself, when I could see my circumstances with new eyes and new understanding—I grew in a passionate, positive and transformative ways.

The benefits become a gift of transmuting a loss to a new and fresh star  for you.  If you or someone you know wants to learn how to make snow angels in the warm tropical sandy beach of south Florida, I extend a personal invitation to visit my website where you can explore a signature program I have designed  expressly for you to heal, grow, understand and transform your loss and grief to sand Angels with large wings.

Visit: www.soultosoulretreat.com  ▪ 5 powerful life-changing days filled with love and purpose.

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Opening the Window

A metaphor for "life"?

A metaphor for “life”?

My friend Debbie opened the champagne; a bottle left over from her birthday. We were going to eat out, but I had all the makings of dinner. Around her dining room table, and over my simple grilled steak and sweet tomato salad, we seemed to naturally float into the world of “no time”. Our conversation spawn over many topics, all substantially of depth: divorce, death, kids, love life, and mysteries of the universe that included questions surrounding astrology, soul relationships and Akashic records.
She drew a book from her library. Write about this she proclaimed and read aloud: ” Two common misconceptions are that peace is a calm, placid state with little feeling and that intense feelings are not spiritual.” Debbie continued, “these misconceptions have nearly succeeded in killing us. . . Intense emotions are a natural part of life and the emotional body must vibrate to live. Strong emotions, both good and bad, create the vibration which allows us to connect with Source of energy, love and salvation. Fervent anger can be a powerful motivator for social change. Jealousy is a secret message, exposing unworthiness. Hurt feelings are the unacceptable parts of us, calling for love and illumination.”*

I nodded. I had spent a lot of time reflecting and questioning the ok-ness and appropriateness of just such topics and reactions both in the world of personal transformation and spirituality. The topic seemed even more important as we have moved into the new energy and new paradigm model.

Authenticity for me meant dropping the old that no longer serves and truly heal those parts of us that have been stuffed and stored down deep within our psyche; the illusion that they have been locked safely away in some vast storage unit. Not realizing that they are triggered when the monthly, quarterly or annual statement arrives and we are forced to write a check triggering off a cascade of feelings and emotions that have nothing to do with our current circumstance or event that sends us off crying, mad, hurt or in anger. On the extreme end, I see it as road rage, domestic violence and abuse–on the other end I see it as unhealthy relationships, passionless careers, addictions or self-defeating behaviors reflected in things like our food choices and eating patterns. All somehow related?

My childhood home was oftentimes filled with such confusion. The unspoken undercurrent and unhappiness loomed. We were not allowed to voice our displeasure or disagreement. There was no healthy way to communicate verbally. My Mother would often run to her room and slam the door. The harder the slam, the angrier she was. My Father never said a word or raised his voice. Only years later did I find poetry was his escape; unconsciously drawn to deal with this own pain–finding some relief as he wrote words on a yellow legal pads, paper napkins or crinkled envelopes. These learned dysfunctional behaviors, habits and beliefs I notice perpetuate in our family today among my siblings; sighting the elephant in the room is easy. Can we talk? I see it woven in the tapestry–on the other side, my ex-husband’s Jewish roots brought hot-blooded exchanges. That didn’t work so well either!

So, how do we learn to love ourselves and gain courage to move through the hurts and beliefs to neutrality where we are no longer so affected and able to face the fears directly? I suppose that is the million dollar question. I know that pretending these feelings do not exist does not work. It is not authentic or loving, and leads to our dis-ease and depression–heart attacks and cancer. Just pick up a copy of Louise Hay’s book, “You can heal your life” notice each label.
I know there are no magic bullets or wizard’s wands. It takes real work. Accept what isn’t working. Make a commitment to yourself. Ask for help. The answer lies within. Are we willing and open for the answer? Find a safe place or trusted friend. Remember, we always have choice. We always have the power and freedom to write a new story. The very appropriate metaphor of placing our mask over our nose first, before we can help others is important. By living our truth our way, we begin depositing rather than withdrawing from our emotional bank account. Once we examine our beliefs and take responsibility for our actions, and thoughts does it become possible to live in joy, peace, happiness and love. It is ours for the asking and willingness to walk through another doorway. Then old triggers become less and less like hurricanes; rather like breezes through your open window. Our new higher vibration will guide us closer to our true nature. What will we chose today? Each moment is a new opportunity!
“Not until the pain of the same is greater than the pain of change will you embrace change.”

-Dave Ramsey

The journey is the reward!

Be well–in love and light,

Cathy

Sources for transformation:

Wellness and Nutrition: http://www.cathysilverhealth.com

Grief Recovery: (www.hollywoodhealingcenter.org)

Personal transformation: http://www.gratitudetraining.com

*Angel Blessing, by Kimberly Marooney

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